That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
