He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
