Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I cut my penus on the lid.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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