My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
