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need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
