Please, let me fuck your mom
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
