Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
