Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
