i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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