We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
