I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
