Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
