My nipple is on Facebook.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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