Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
