1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
