i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
This is the high leading the old right now
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
