I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
