Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
