Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
