He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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