I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Randomize
