y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I got inside last night via doggy door
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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