Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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