i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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