I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
