we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
BRING THE BAGELS
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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