do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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