I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
should my penis look like a turkey
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
