No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just found puke in my bra..
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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