What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
