shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
