youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
