So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
