just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
