i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
