i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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