Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
