Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
