I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
