I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
