Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
