can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
