i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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