chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My vagina just clenched in fear
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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