i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
