My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
