When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
