So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
