Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
