I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
